Competitiveness
by Taeryfai
Summary: After a freak accident Deidara is turned into a girl, suddenly Sasori, Hidan, Itachi and Tobi all want to win Deidara's heart, but the question is who will? BEING REDONE, PLEASE CHECK OUT LATER VERSION 'Competitiveness: Redone'
1. Chapter 1

Deidara glared with furiosity at anyone who dared look at him, such was his glare even the mighty Sharignan and Rinnegnan had to look away in fear for melting or something. Currently only two other people were in the room beside Deidara, they were Hidan and Itachi, the two people Deidara disliked the most out of the Akatsuki members.

"For fuck's sake Blondie can you stop trying to kill everyone who looks at you by glaring at them." Hidan said sitting next to the blond, he glared at him and Hidan could not help from flinch slightly under the glare.

"Dear Jashin, I thought Red-eye's glare was bad, what's got you in a pissy mood." Hidan said looking at Itachi who glared, but nothing near as powerful as Deidara's. Deidara instantly pushed up the huge, newly aquirred, mesh-covered breasts in his face. Hidan had a mild nose-bleed.

"Don't you think these are good enough a reason for you, un." Deidara pretty much screamed, Hidan stared at them then grinned.

"You make a hot bitch." Hidan said moving closer to him, Hidan grabbed Deidara's chin and forced his (or shall I say her) face towards him, Itachi's eyes widened barely noticeably as he watched them from the corner of his eye. He was about to leapt in and stop whatever Hidan was going to do but he decided to see if Deidara could handle it first, if she (I know Deidara's a boy but some freak accident turned him into a girl and now I'll refer him as one) could not he would take action and rescue her even though she was probally be less than grateful. He watched, taking a bite of his dango, as Deidara put his hand to Hidan's face away. However his hand mouth promptly chomped off Hidan's nose. Having not liked the taste the mouth spat it out hitting Hidan right in the eye. Standing up, Hidan glared at Deidara furiously clutching his eye and the gap where his nose had been.

"You'll pay for that, you bitch." Hidan snarled a manical look in his eyes, Deidara stood up not about to be put down in a fight anytime soon.

"_**Round-house-kick-no-jutsu!**_" Deidara cried kicking him in the groind, Hidan gave an undignified squeal and sank down to his knees.

"_**FALCON-PUNCH-no-jutsu!**_" Deidara said punching Hidan in the now accessable face, there was a crunch on impact and Hidan went flying through several walls until crashing into a thick tree, the tree cracked and landed on him. Itachi winced slightly and focused on his dango, he did not need to take care of her after all, she had clearly proven that she could take care of herself. Itachi, dango still in mouth, sat down to a sitting again Deidara. Deidara glared at him and gave him a 'don't-mess-with-me-or-else-you'll-end-up-like-Hidan' look.

"That was _almost _impressive." The Uchiha said, Deidara frowned, he had stressed **almost **deliberately long. Was he trying to piss him off.

"Shut up, un." Deidara snarled standing up and glaring at the weasel, the weasel expressionlessly raised an eyebrow. Deidara stamped his foot in frustation, his foot slipped on something and he went flying into Itachi. The sofa tipped over leaving Itachi lying on his back and Deidara on top of him in a very compromising postion, when else would the leader, his partner, Deidara's partner and Itachi's partner walk in but just then. Kisame and Sasori smirked at them, whilst Pein raised an inquistive eyebrow whilst Konan looked overjoyed for some reason.

"Please try to keep pleasure separate from work." Pein said curtly, blushing Deidara shot up off of Itachi and brushed herself down as if she was covered in poison. Kisame and Sasori were both almost in tears from laughter, Deidara and Itachi glared at him silencing them both, it was difficult to tell who had the most impressive glare. Then Sasori slipped and knocked Deidara to the ground, they landing in the same postion as Itachi and Deidara were in.

"I'll say the same to you Sasori." Pein said, a small twitch to the side of his mouth, Sasori and Deidara glared at him, Kisame was on the floor in tears of laughter now.

"D-Danna, you're squishing me." Deidara said finding it difficult to breath with a reasonable heavy chunk of wood on him, Sasori stood up and offered him a hand which Deidara gladly took.

"Sorry brat, I slipped on something." Sasori said pulling the blonde up, he smirked "You're heavier as a girl." He told her, she nodded accepting this easily and in argeement.

"It's these." She hold him pushing up her breasts, "They feel like bricks on my chest, un." She added, Sasori had he been human would of had a nosebleed, Kisame not having the advantage of being wood had one though. Pein and Itachi having the amazing control they had over emotions did not though, Konan glared at Deidara did he really have no shame? Sasori nodded hurriedly as a reply, what could he really say to that? Deidara bent down, Sasori looked the other way, she picked up a soft pink (rather squished) object.

"This is what you slipped on Danna, it's probally what I slipped on as well." Deidara said looking at it, then realization dawned on her face and laughed. "Oh, it's Hidan's nose from when I bit it off." Everyone but Itachi who had been there stared at her as if she was insane.

"You bit Hidan's nose off." Pein said disbelievingly.

"It was self-defense." Deidara said pouting cutely and crossing her arms.

"Where's Hidan now?" Kisame asked cleaning up his nose-bleed from earlier, Itachi pointed to the Hidan-shaped hole in the wall, some what surprised they had not already noticed it. Pein groaned, Kakuzu was sure to complain about the expense of filling the holes and they would be filled in cheaply or be made into doorways (without the door as they would be _too expensive_) which ever the cheapest he would do. He was destracted from his thoughts by a zooming orange-masked subordinate glomping Deidara. Despite only recently being introduced into the Akatsuki Tobi had quickly became obsessed with the blonde, going so far to stalk him everytime he went out.

"Sempai!" Tobi said hugging Deidara tightly, Deidara just stared at him blankly.

"What are you doing, un?" Deidara asked curiously.

"I love you, sempai." Tobi murmured snuggling into Deidara's stomach, Deidara looked down at him a small blush coming to his cheeks.

"Err... thank you, un." Deidara said pushing Tobi away, Tobi's eyes fell on Deidara's breasts.

"When did Sempai become a girl?" Tobi asked, Deidara looked where Tobi was staring and glared at him, Tobi then looked into Deidara's eye. "You make a very beautiful girl." Tobi said, Deidara's entire face went crimson. Deidara nearly gave a shriek as strong arms gripped around her waist from behind and slung her on broad shoulders.

"Dei-chan's mine, assholes." Hidan cried laughing as Tobi, Sasori and Itachi glared at him.

"I belong to no-one!" Deidara protested, beating his fists against Hidan's back, Hidan ignored him and stuck his tounge out at Tobi, Sasori and Itachi and ran off with Deidara still slung over his shoulder. Sasori leapt after him without a second's thought, swiftly followed by Tobi and Itachi. Kisame just blinked and looked at Konan and Pein.

"What just happened?" Kisame asked bewildered.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Hidan**

Hidan glanced behind him glad to see that he had lost Sasori, Tobi and Itachi. He looked at Deidara who had stopped struggling a few minutes ago, he was amused to see the blonde had fell asleep. The blonde looked so sweet when she was not biting his nose off, kicking him where it really hurt and punching him into a tree through several walls. Deidara groaned as Hidan gently put her down on his bed, Hidan smirked not wanting to wake her, she awoke anyway. Her eyes were glazed over, showing that she was either sleep walking or completely out of it. She managed to get hold of Hidan's scthye and have it at Hidan's neck in less than a second from waking up, Hidan was closed to being creeped out, no one had ever used his darling scthyey against him before and worse than that, the scthye actually liked Deidara better than Hidan and responded quicker and more willingly with her. He had finally found out what it was like being on the oppisite end of the scale and he did not like it. Hidan nearly had his head chopped off when Deidara snapped out of the trance she had been in, she looked at the scthye and instantly dropped it.

"Oh my gosh, Hidan, I didn't harm you did I?" She cried, Hidan noticed a large cut where she had managed to slice his chest (when did she manage that?) she spotted it as well and worried looking at it, she put her hands to his chest and leaned closer in to get a better look. Hidan looked down, relieved that she was back to normal but rather concerned about what she was doing, Deidara glared at his hands as they daringly decided to taste Hidan's blood. Hidan shivered, he was not used to other people tasting his blood.

"Sorry Hidan." Deidara murmured and pulled the ribbon out of her hair, her hair fell down in a swish of gold, Hidan stared at Deidara, it was the first time he saw her hair down as both female and male. Deidara wrapped the abnormally wide and long ribbon around Hidan's chest expertly.

"There we can't have Kakuzu complaining about you being covered in blood again can we?" Deidara smiled at him as Hidan looked at him questionly.

"Would you like to explain your kill 'Hidan with his own weapon' mood just then." Hidan asked sitting down next to Deidara who fell on Hidan's bed.

"It happens when I get really angered, stressed or have bad memories I just snap then I can't tell the difference between friend or foe. People tend to die, I feel so bad after it, I don't know who I hurt." Deidara said head in her hands, Hidan frowned. Suddenly (he had no idea what he was doing but) he pulled Deidara into his chest and held her, trying to comfort her, it seemed to work.

"Thank you, Hidan." Deidara murmured snuggling into Hidan's chest, Hidan smirked (HA! Take that Sasori, Tobi and Itachi!) Deidara looked up.

"I really didn't expect your room to be like this." Deidara admitted, Hidan looked confused.

"Like what?" Hidan asked curiously, for some reason he felt comfortable with his arms around Deidara and Deidara sitting on his lap.

"Well, first of all well furnished and clear of blood." Deidara said without beating around the bush, Hidan smirked.

"What's wrong with being well-furnished?" Hidan asked, Deidara twirled his hand around his finger.

"Well, I thought it would be easier to do rituals and sacrifices with little furniture as you can make a circle without crashing into a bed or something." Deidara said, yawning. Hidan looked thoughtful, that was actually a good idea. Deidara yawned again and rubbed her eyes.

"Hey, you still tired?" Hidan asked, Deidara nodded. Hidan lifted her up bridal style, Deidara looked at him.

"What are you doing?" Deidara questioned surprised.

"Taking you to your room." Hidan told him, Deidara just nodded and cuddled up to Hidan as he carried him to her own room. Hidan stuck his tounge out at a staring Sasori, Tobi and Itachi. Kakuzu and Zetsu stopped to look as they passed them. Hidan found Deidara's room and opened it, he looked in surprise at it, he did not expect that. He expected mess but this was almost distrubing clean and neat, it looked like a show-room. The only thing which indicated it was Deidara's room was a few clay models placed neatly, in size order, almost exactly the same distance apart on the desk.

"Well, I did not expect this." Hidan smiled, Deidara grinned.

"You thought I'll be messy didn't you?" Deidara murmured, Hidan nodded, "Danna did too, he nearly had a heart attack after seeing my room the first time, it was hilarious." Deidara laughed slightly, Hidan gave a small laugh too, he could imaniage it.

"'Night." Deidara murmured as Hidan placed her on her bed, Hidan smiled softly.

"'Night, Dei-chan." Hidan whispered back and left out the door. Sasori, Itachi and Tobi was waiting outside the door for him. None of them looked happy.

"You may have won his round, Hidan, but don't expect to win so easy next time." Sasori told him, the other two nodded in argeement. Tobi looked curious.

"How did you make Deidara on good terms with you again?" Tobi asked, Hidan smiled.

"He tried to sacrifice me." Hidan smirked waving to them as they stared after him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, otherwise Akatsuki would be alive, Naruto would be cleverer, Sakura would be working in McDonalds and Itachi, Deidara, Hidan, Sasori, Kakuzu and Pein would form a boy band in their free-time**

**Chapter Three: Waltzing with Sasori/Itachi **

Sasori went to Pein, as soon as he saw the bastard Hidan who was trying to steal _his _Deidara. Pein looked down at Sasori annoyed, Sasori had pummeled at his door until he had answered.

"I need you to send me and Deidara on a mission." Sasori told him, Pein raised an eyebrow, that was the first someone had actually asked for a mission.

"May I ask why." Pein said curious, Sasori looked slightly embarrassed.

"..." was Sasori's reply as he looked else where, Pein smirked.

"Permission granted, collect Deidara for the mission and come back in a few minutes." Pein said, wondering what mission he could give them. Sasori nodded thankfully and went to collect Deidara, Pein sighed and went back inside where Konan was waiting. ( PeinxKonan ?) Sasori entered Deidara's room, he took a deep breath as he looked at the spotless room, no matter how many times he saw it it still managed to shock him slightly. Deidara looked slightly out of place as she lay strewn across the bed, her golden hair spread around her head and her foot dangling over the side. He looked carefully at Deidara who was giving small snores, he smirked and opened her wardrobe up. She had always forbade anyone from looking in it, he stared surprised at an empty wardrobe, it did not even have clothes. Weird. He closed the wardrobe doors before Deidara could wake up. He opened up drawers silently, neatly arranged in the top one was kunais and shurikens in an anrangements of sizes and types. He hurriedly shut it as Deidara gave a groan and sat up, Sasori rushed to the door and pretended to have just come in when Deidara sat up and stretched. Deidara looked at him curiously.

"Danna? Why are you here, un?" She asked, Sasori shrugged nonchalantly.

"Pein wanted us to go on a mission." Sasori said, Deidara nodded and swung herself out of bed, then she straightened out the bed covers as they were crinkled. She linked arms with Sasori's, Sasori blinked at her surprised, she smiled at him.

"Come on, we don't want to keep you waiting much longer do we, un." Deidara said sweetly and she began dragging him to Pein's office, they passed Hidan and Sasori stuck his tounge out at him. Hidan gave him the middle finger in reply. Soon they were at their desinitation, a flustered looking Konan was leaving and Pein was escorting her out. Deidara waved to her, Konan smiled and hurried off in the other direction.

"What's our mission, Leader-sama?" Deidara asked curiously, Pein passed them a scroll. Deidara read it, frowned and stratched her head.

"This sure is an interesting mission, un." Deidara murmured, Sasori looked at it and smiled.

'Oh dear god, thank you.' he mouthed to Pein who smirked and went back into his office. The scroll instructed them both to sneak into a ball in the guise of a date in order to win the waltzing competion.

"Do you know how to waltz, Danna?" Deidara asked, Sasori's face fell. No he did not actually. He shook his head.

"Don't worry I'll teach you, I used to dance for Iwa in competions, un." Deidara told him, Sasori blinked then smiled.

"You do that, brat." Sasori said gladly being dragged into the training grounds where Itachi and Kisame were training, Itachi glared at Sasori who smirked at him.

"Okay Danna, have you ever seen a waltz before, un?" Deidara asked, Sasori just shook his head. Itachi was by Deidara's side in a flash.

"I can help you in showing him if you would like." Itachi said helpfully, Deidara looked at him surprised and then she smiled.

"That would be very kind, thank you, Itachi-kun." Deidara told him, Sasori glared at Itachi, Itachi smirked at him over Deidara's shoulder. Itachi was surprised as Deidara grabbed his hand and instantly got into the postion, Itachi blinked then did the same as Deidara. Deidara's arm was resting on top of Itachi's and Itachi's hand was placed where Deidara's bottom rips were. Sasori frowned at their closeness, they were basically pressed together. Deidara smiled and they began to dance, Deidara told Sasori what they were doing as they did it and explained what to do. Then Deidara stopped explaining and decided to compelment Itachi on his dancing skills.

"You're a good dancer, I wouldn't of expected it of you, un." Deidara said, Itachi smirked

"I used to represent Konoha." Itachi told her truthly, Sasori scowled feeling ignored.

"That was you? I thought you looked familar when I first met you, un." Deidara said surprised, Itachi nodded. Sasori coughed to gain their attention. Deidara let go of Itachi and grabbed hold of Sasori, Itachi frowned and sat on the bench where Kisame had been watching amused. Sasori felt awkward being so close to Deidara, he was relieved to find they were basically the same height when Deidara was a girl so Deidara was not towering over him like he did as a boy.

"We'll do the basics first, Danna, that was the moves me and Itachi had been doing at the beginning, un." Deidara smiled, Sasori nodded. He could not help but be annoyed that the brat had to teach him, he would of preferred it if he was the one doing the teaching. At least he got to be close to her. Little did they know all of the Akatsuki was watching laughing as Deidara and Sasori began to dance. Sasori was considerably bad and brought them crashing down once or twice and kept standing on Deidara's foot. Finally Deidara had enough.

"That's it, I'm leading, un." Deidara told him, Sasori winced and then he heard people in hysterics of laughter. He saw Kisame in tears of laughter, Itachi smirking cruelly and then looking at the base's windows he saw the rest of the Akatsuki laughing their heads off. Deidara waved at them cheerfully as Sasori wanted to sink into the ground from embarrassment. Deidara turned back to Sasori and forced him back into the waltz postion, Deidara pulled out a mp3 player and turned it on. Sasori looked at her confused.

"I thought it might be easier for you if we had music." Deidara said and then she gave him an evil smirk and leant close to his ear.

"If you can't do it, Danna, you'll have to give up and let Itachi be my dance partner _**and**_ admit that I'm a better artist. Un." Deidara whispered, Sasori glared at her.

"Of course I can do it." Sasori answered, Deidara smiled.

"Then show me, un." Deidara said doubtingly, Sasori began waltzing with determation, soon he caught on and was quite good. Everyone looked on disbelieving at the change of dancing level that Sasori showed after only a few minutes.

"Deidara must of said something very inspiring to cause this change." Konan said, Pein looked thoughtful and he nudged Konan to make her look at the jealous faces of Hidan, Tobi and Itachi, it was quite amusing to see them glare furiously at Sasori, Konan giggled and hung onto his arm ( PeinxKonan ?). Deidara quickly turned off the mp3 as it screamed 'FLOOOR!' surprising everyone and making Sasori stumble over. Deidara grinned sheepishly, then he looked up to Pein.

"You know that mission you set us." Deidara said sitting in the window-sill next to Pein in a flash, Pein nodded wondering how she got there so quick. "What do we wear, un?" Deidara asked, Konan squealed.

"Can I dress them up please." Konan asked Pein, who just nodded, Deidara flinched the last time Konan dressed her up was when she was still a boy and he ended up wearing a pink maid's outfit. Konan smiled and grabbed Deidara and dragged her to Konan's room. Sasori frowned as he saw Deidara get dragged away by Konan.

-CHANGE-

Konan came out with a scowling Deidara, Deidara was wearing a blue shimmering evening dress which brought out her eyes, pale blue elbow length gloves and her golden hair was in a messy bun with a blue butterfly attatched on the side. The male Akatsuki members stared at Deidara wide-mouthed, Sasori looked just as grumpy as Deidara and he was forced into a tuxedo and Konan had 'fixed' his hair. By fixing it she had slicked his hair back in a style similar to Hidan's. When the male Akatsuki members saw Sasori they smirked and chuckled.

"This better be worth it, un." Deidara said sulkily, Sasori nodded in argeement.

"Now go win this competion." Pein smirked, Deidara tsked and left dragging Sasori behind her. Pein turned to the television and turned it on.

"Who wants to see how they do?" Pein said, everyone hurriedly rushed to the sofa.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Hugging Kakuzu and Kisame**

Sasori looked at Deidara wondering how she had managed to break her leg during her trip to the toilet, he was grateful for the fact that they had already danced and the winner was about to be announced. He looked around the crowd, he expected Orochimaru (he was representing the sound village with Kabuto) to be creeping around but was surprised to not see him anywhere. Deidara saw him looking and smirked.  
>"And in first place are Akasuna Sasori and Iwa Deidara." The speaker who was an elderly, kind-looking woman said smiling slightly. Murmurs went though the crowd, then a cheer went out.<p>

"I love you Deidara!" a man's voice cried out then other people began chanting 'Deidara's back', Deidara blushed and held on to Sasori as her leg gave out, Sasori picked her up and carried her to the trophy stand bridal style.

"It seems your famous." Sasori murmured, Deidara winced.

"Hurry up so I get treatment for my leg, I must have fractured it in several places, who knew that Snake-breath's face would be so hard." Deidara muttered, Sasori looked at her.

-CHANGE-

The Akatsuki clapped as Deidara and Sasori entered the headquarters, Deidara shuddered as pain shot up her leg when it brushed against the door. Hidan, Tobi and Itachi was by their side in an instant.

"Holy Jashin, Deidara what the fuck did you do to your leg?" Hidan said looking at it, even to his untrained medical eye it was obvisous that it was broken.

"I beat up this snake-guy, his nerdy partner with glasses, this spider-dude, a boy with two heads, this chubby ginger-bloke, a freaky bone-guy and this girl with a flute whilst wearing heels." Deidara admitted, Sasori blinked surprised.

"You just said you were going to the toilet." Sasori said, Deidara nodded.

"I was but I met up with them and could not pass up the chance to beat the crap out of them." Deidara answered, then she smiled prettily at Kakuzu.

"'Kuzu-kun, you know how you are my favourite Akatsuki member ever." Deidara said sweetly, Kakuzu sighed.

"How much are you willing to pay me?" Kakuzu answered without turning to face her, Deidara smirked.

"Fine, I won't relieve you of Hidan's complaining and kindly give you shinobi with high-bounties on their heads as well then." Deidara sighed sadly and she was about to turn to Konan when Kakuzu's head jerked up.

"Fine I'll do it." Kakuzu said tiredly, as he went to Deidara's side he was surprised as Deidara hugged him.

"Thank you 'Kuzu-kun." Deidara smiled, Kakuzu could feel the glares burning into his back, he was suddenly very relieved that Deidara was going to relieve him of Hidan. At least then he knew he would not end up being a sacrifice for Jashin, but what about being subjected to sharignan and Tobi and the chance of becoming a puppet? Kakuzu pushed Deidara away.

"Don't push it otherwises I won't hestitate in adding your heart to my collection." Kakuzu said looking at her broken leg and sighing.

"Is it bad, doctor?" Deidara asked sweetly, Kakuzu groaned.

"Of course it's bad, we need to move you to the sofa, we can't have Sasori dropping you whilst I healed you." Kakuzu said, Sasori glared at him slightly before carrying her to the sofa. Kakuzu lifted her leg up and a sudden jolt of pain went up it causing her to gasp and nearly knee him in the face. She promptly apolojised, but when he began healing she brought her head forward, Kakuzu instructed Hidan to hold her down. But another shock made her break out of Hidan's grasp, Kisame held her down as well. Deidara was biting her lip so hard it bleed it order to not to scream out in pain, Kakuzu saw this and tried to lessen the pain but he knew full well how painful having bones setted and mended was. He was impressed how Deidara had not made a single sound during the healing.

"Deidara is a lot nicer to heal than you Hidan, I don't even have to listen to constant whines." Kakuzu said, he noticed that Deidara was laughing. Hidan looked at him hurt. Deidara's laugh cracked and he flinched in pain as Kakuzu finished healing.

"Thank you for healing me 'Kuzu-kun." Deidara smiled hugging Kakuzu tightly.

"Can you stop hugging me." Kakuzu said annoyed, Deidara sulkily.

"Fine I'll hug Kisame instead," Deidara said "You don't mind do you?" she asked turning to him, Kisame just shook his head blankly slightly amused.

"Yay!" Deidara grinned and hugged the blue fellow tightly, Kisame blinked slightly. It kinda felt nice to be hugged, he would of enjoyed it more if was not for the death glares he was recieving from some jealous Akatsuki members.

'I will sacrifice you to Jashin-sama.' Hidan mouthed to him whilst Itachi activated his Sharignan.

"You smell like floral shampoo." Deidara murmured, Kisame shushed her.

"Don't you tell anyone about the shampoo I use." Kisame told her quietly, Deidara giggled and buried her head into Kisame's chest.

"Do you really?" Deidara laughed.

"Does he what?" Hidan asked, mouthing death threats to Kisame over Deidara's head. Kisame gave her a warning look, Deidara aknowledged it and leaned on Hidan's shoulder making him blush.

"Hmm, 'night 'night." Deidara said falling asleep.

"Hey, don't fall asleep on me." Hidan said looking at her.

"Un." She murmured, she fell fast asleep.

"Why does Blondie always fucking fall asleep on me, this is the third time." Hidan groaned, Kakuzu looked up at him.

"Admit it you like it." Kakuzu said, Hidan smirked.

"Yeah."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: In no way, manner or form do I own Naruto or its characters, I do however own a Deidara plushie.**

**Chapter Five: Upsetting and making up with Tobi**

Deidara awoke in her own bed, for a few idle seconds she wondered who had carried her there before leaping out of bed. She uncrinkled her bedsheets and proceeded to the bathroom to have a shower and clean her hair. She looked in the mirror dismayed to see her hair was in disarray as the bun Konan had done had no where near been tight enough and had fallen out at some point. After having her shower, she dried and combed her silkly, ridicoulously long and thick hair before putting it all up in a high ponytail rather than letting some hair down like she usually did. Having changed into the only girl clothes Konan could find that fitted her large brests and they ended up being rather revealing (she had brought the clothes with her into the bathroom so she did not have to walk around in a towel), she walked out of the bathroom to be instantly glomped by Tobi.

"Sempai! I like what you did with your hair, it makes you look extra pretty." Tobi smiled under his mask, Deidara blinked it had been so peaceful as well. Well, it had been good while it lasted.

"Hello, Mobi." Deidara said, Tobi laughed.

"Silly sempai, you know that's not my name." Tobi began but he stopped when he saw Deidara look at him blankly.

"It's not?" Deidara said surprised.

"You can't rember my name?" Tobi said sadly, he sniffed, Deidara looked at him alarmed.

"Er, Robbie? Ruari? Obito? Tommy? Mikey?" Deidara said trying to get his name, after every name Tobi sniffed louder.

"I refer to my self in third person half the time yet you don't know my name." Tobi sobbed running away.

"Olli! Bobbie! Noddy! Wait!" Deidara shouted calling after him, he cursed and went to find Sasori, he would know the lollypop's name wouldn't he?

"Danna! Danna!" Deidara cried as he searched for Sasori, he found him amongst his creepy puppets.

"Danna!" Deidara said urgently, Sasori looked at his brat.

"Yes, brat?" Sasori asked, Deidara sat on his lap causing him to blush 'When could puppets could blush? Then again my Danna is a very special puppet' Deidara thought.

"It's dreadful, I don't know the lollypop's name and I made him cry." Deidara said desparingly, Sasori blinked. Lollypop? Then it clicked Lollypop=Tobi, ha! Tobi's chances for getting _his _brat was really low now seeing as Deidara didn't even know his name.

"What do you expect me to do about it?" Sasori asked sourly

"You're the cleverest person I know and I need help making it up to him." Deidara said, he rubbed the back of his neck "And I figured you'll know his name." Deidara added, Sasori looked at him annoyed, no way in hell was he going to bring that lolly closer to his brat.

"I'm busy go bother the second smartest person you know." Sasori said, Deidara got off his lap and frowned at him.

"Fine, I will then." Deidara said and went to find Pein, she found him in his room making innepropiate noises so she left to see the fourth-smartest person she knew as it seemed the third (Konan) was in there with Pein (PeinxKonan!).

"How much would you pay me?" Kakuzu said, Deidara frowned.

"Can't you do it out of the goodness of your hearts?" Deidara asked hopefully.

"No." Kakuzu replied sharply.

"Money whore!" Deidara muttered under her breath leaving the room, Kisame was out on a mission so that ruled him out and Itachi point blank refused, so all was left was Zetsu and Hidan.

"Zetsu, Zetsu, come out, come out wherever you are." Deidara called having no idea where Zetsu could be. Zetsu appeared right in front of her causing her to jump backwards.

"You called, tasty morsel." Zetsu said, Deidara clasped her arms around Zetsu's neck surprising them.

"Oh Zetsu, I upset the lollypop by not remembering his name, I want to make it up to him but I don't know how. I asked basically everyone avaible to help but they all said no, even Danna. Please will you help me?" Deidara sobbed, Zetsu was dumbstruck, no one had ever asked him for help, confessed their problems, cried on or even hugged him before. Being unused to the situation he nervously patted Deidara on the back.

"I'll help... **just don't water me again.**" Zetsu said, Deidara gave a small laugh.

"Thank you, Zetsu." Deidara said wiping away tears.

-CHANGE-

Tobi sat sadly at the edge of the roof of the Akatsuki HQ. Suddenly he felt lithe arms wrab around him.

"I'm so sorry Tobi for not remembering your name, I feel like a complete utter ass. I wish to make it up to you some how." Deidara said, Tobi felt shivers up his spine, sempai was hugging him rather than visa-versa and he had said his name correctly.

"Deidara?" Tobi began wiping away any tears he shed, "Can we go blow shit up." Tobi said, Deidara blinked.

"Pardon?" Deidara asked thinking that he had misheard him.

"Can we go blow shit up sempai?" Tobi repeated, Deidara looked thoughful.

"What type of shit?" Deidara asked.

"Hidan." Tobi said hopefully, Deidara frowned.

"Well that's not very nice, what did Hidan do to you?" Deidara replied, Tobi scowled under his mask.

"Itachi then." Tobi said, Deidara blinked at him.

"Why don't we just go rob a candy store?" Deidara suggested, Tobi squealed happily literally glowing with happiness.

"Can we ride there on a flying pony?" Tobi asked, Deidara shrugged.

"I don't see why not." Deidara said, Tobi smiled. Deidara pulled some clay from the pouch, his hand mouths began chewing on the clay, he opened his hand to show a beautifully stulptured pegasus which neighed and fluttered its wings. With a hand sign from Deidara there was a puff of billowing smoke and the pegsus grew to the size of a large horse, it nuzzled Tobi who giggled. The pegasus whinnied, Deidara glared at it. That's why he did not normally create mammals, they were too realistic and seemed to think they were real animals so they were more difficult to control.

"There you go, ride the pegasus, I'll walk." Deidara said scowling at the pegasus who glared at him.

"Why don't you ride with Tobi, sempai?" Tobi asked.

"Horses hate me." Deidara said truthfully as the pegasus continued to glare at him, Tobi blinked.

"Its not a real horse, sempai." Tobi told him, the pegasus looked at him reproachily.

"Don't say that Tobi, it hurts their feelings." Deidara told him, Tobi looked at him as if he was mad.

"Clay does not have feelings, sempai." Tobi said slowly, Deidara flinched as the pegasus snorted and glared at Tobi, it then charged at him, Deidara took a running leap and shoved him out of the way just in time.

"See, you hurt its feelings." Deidara taking Tobi's hand and running.

"Ahh! It's alive!" Tobi shrieked as it chased after them.

"I warned you not to hurt its feelings." Deidara said, it began flapping its wings and rose into the air. It shot clay spears from its wings tips.

"Shit! I didn't know it could do that!" Deidara said, on his face was a hilarious look of terror.

"What are you two bakas screaming about." Konan said irritated her head appearing around a doorway, a clay spear shot at her, it missed her by inches.

"Deidara! What the hell!" Konan shouted at Deidara believing it to be his fault.

"Konan, get rid of the pegasus please." Deidara said nearly in tears as a bunch of spears shot at him. Then it breathed fire over where they stood.

"IT CAN BREATHE FIRE!" Deidara screamed, dodging and pulling Tobi with him. Konan just blinked.

"Peiiiinnnnn..." Konan called out, a tired looking Pein poked his head out.

"What... HOLY SHIT!" Pein began but then the pegasus averted his gaze on him and shot a torpedo of lighting bolts at him narrowly missing him.

"It has lighting bolts." Deidara squeaked and then fell in a dead faint, Tobi caught him.

"I'll take care of Deidara, Pein you finish this flying horse." Tobi said in his Madara voice, Pein narrowed his eyes and nodded as Tobi disappeared with Deidara in a swirl of power.

-CHANGE-

Deidara woke up with a groan in Tobi's room, Tobi grinned at him.

"SEMPAI! Tobi's so glad you woke up, you fainted." Tobi said, Deidara's eyes widen.

"Where is the demon horse?" Deidara said.

"Leader-sama's taking care of it." Tobi said smiling.

"Will he be okay?" Deidara asked concerned.

"He'll be fine." Tobi told him.

-CHANGE-

"MY ARM!" (Sasori)

"WHAT THE FUCK!" (Hidan)

"SHARIGNAN!" (Itachi)

"MY FLOWERS!" (Zetsu)

"WHY WON'T IT DIE!" (Pein)

"IT HAS VINES!" (Konan)

"MY HEART!" (Kakuzu)

"ARGGH!" (Kisame)

-CHANGE-

"He'll be fine." Tobi repeated assuring Deidara, Deidara nodded. "Now let's go rob a candy store," Tobi said running off with Deidara before the rampage pegasus found them. Deidara blinked.

**A/N: Note to self never insult a clay pegasus by saying its not real.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own no characters in this story apart from Fluffy**

**Chapter Six: Meeting Fluffy and Saying goodbye to Pein and Konan**

Hidan lay on the ground panting alongside other worn out and stroched Akatsuki members, killing that clay pegasus had been a bitch. Who knew Deidara could create such a skilled creation that it took eight Akatsuki members to take it down. Where was Blondie anyway, why couldn't he take out his own creation rather than let the rest of Akatsuki to clean up after him. Hidan gave out an unmanly shriek as a sleek and powerful tiger pounced on him. It growled deep in his throat. Deidara rushed out and grabbed the tiger by its collar. The tiger looked meekly at her, and rubbed its head against her, Deidara giggled and hugged it.

"Deidara, why do you have a tiger?" Pein asked as the other Akatsuki members stared.

"I found it and I decided to adopt it." Deidara said as if it was obvisous.

"It's a tiger." Pein groaned. Deidara looked at him.

"What do you have against tigers." Deidara frowned, Pein groaned, Deidara grabbed a surprised Zetsu's hand and began dragging him.

"Come Zetsu let's go find some human flesh what you and Fluffy can feast upon." Deidara said, Zetsu blinked.

"Fluffy?" Sasori said with an arched eyebrow. Deidara gave him the middle finger and 'Fluffy' walked alongside Deidara's legs purring like some oversized domestic cat.

"Human flesh?" Hidan questioned.

"Brat, come back, we have some questions about 'Fluffy'." Sasori shouted after him, Deidara looked at him or rather glared at him.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm too busy, go bother someone else." Deidara said coldly, Sasori flinched she was still annoyed about that.

"Deidara, I would advise you to stay." Kakuzu said.

"Shut up you money whore!" Deidara shouted at him, all trances of her good mood vanishing. Hidan smirked at Kakuzu's shocked and annoyed face.

"Deidara." Itachi said warningly, Deidara's look that she gave him could kill.

"Why don't you go shove your pouncy Uchiha head up your..." Deidara began angrily but Zetsu clasped his hand over her mouth before she could let out the stream of swearwords which rivalled Hidan's language. Itachi stared, did he really offend her that much.

"Come on Deidara, lets go get some of the human flesh you were talking about." Zetsu said as Fluffy growled at them, Deidara allowed herself to be dragged away by Zetsu, Fluffy followed closely behind.

"Would some one like to explain what you did to make Deidara so pissed at you three." Hidan said looking at Itachi, Kakuzu and Sasori.

"Did she ask you too?" Sasori asked, Kakuzu and Itachi looked at one another and nodded.

"Can you three please explain what's going on." Pein said with a tight smile, showing it to be less than a question but more of an order.

"Well Deidara didn't know Tobi's name..." Sasori began, Pein laughed, ha it served Madara right for leaving him to clean up his crap, he'll teach that bastard even more of a lesson later... but how? Then it struck him, the perfect plan.

-CHANGE-

"Fluffy! You're not allowed to eat Tobi!" Deidara said trying to haul the tiger off Tobi, Tobi squealed. Deidara grinned sheepishly. Finally Fluffy obeyed and spat Tobi out.

"Sorry Tobi," she then turned to Fluffy, "Fluffy, Tobi is friend, friends are not food." Fluffy gave a tiger's version of a pout. Deidara turned to Zetsu.

"I'll say the same to you, Zetsu." Deidara smiled, Zetsu hurriedly threw away one of Kakuzu's hearts which he found.

"This isn't another clay creation is it?" Tobi asked nervously remembering the pegasus.

"No this tiger is purely flesh and bones." Deidara smiled, Tobi stared. "Horses don't like me but cats love me." Deidara smiled. Fluffy growled at Tobi and stood protectively in front of Deidara and began tugging her away from Tobi.

"That's weird, Fluffy really doesn't like you." Deidara said, she shrugged and grabbed hold of Zetsu's hand. "Come on Zetsu, we still haven't found some people to eat." She said beginning to lead him away. Tobi's eyes widened.

"Zetsu converted Sempai to cannibilism!" Tobi said devastated, Deidara smirked.

"Fluffy and Zetsu are doing the eating, I don't eat any type of meat anyway. I'm vegetarian." Deidara told him, Tobi was surprised he had not already knew that considering that he tended to stalk Deidara sometimes. Fluffy dragged Deidara by the cloak roughly forcing her away from Tobi, Fluffy glared at Tobi and Deidara blinked.

"Well bye, Tobi. You go do what ever you were doing before Fluffy decided you were food." Deidara said taking Zetsu and Fluffy with her. Tobi was left alone, he scowled, stupid tiger. As long as Deidara had that tiger with her he could not get close to her, his day could not get any worse. Or so he thought.

-LATER ON-

Tobi walked in to a meeting Pein had called, he sat down next to Deidara but the tiger growled at him and made him move. Smirking Hidan took his seat, Tobi glared at the tiger as it purred and rubbed its head against a surprised but pleased Hidan.

"I am sure you are all wondering why I called you here." Pein said, the Akatsuki members nodded in reply, "Well, to make it short me and Konan are going on vacation." Pein smiled, pulling Konan towards him. Everyone just stared at him and Konan dumbstruck, well everyone but Deidara who was suddenly on her feet.

"Yay, I'm so glad for you two, you always work so hard you both deserve a vacation." Deidara said slinging her arms over their shoulders. Pein blinked.

"Er... thank you Deidara." Pein said, pushing Deidara off his shoulder. Deidara smiled and whispered into Konan's ear, Konan blushed and nodded smiling, Deidara smirked and winked at Pein. She sat back down recieving odd looks, Fluffy placed his head on Deidara's lap.

"Well after much thought we decided that Tobi will be in charge of Akatsuki until we come back." Konan said smiling still slightly red. Everyone stared, Deidara's jaw dropped, Hidan's eyes nearly popped out of his head, Kakuzu nearly had several heart attacks, Sasori dropped the puppet he was working on, Kisame choked on what he was eating but Itachi looked emotionless as per usual however his eyes were slightly wider.

"What the fuck! Why that fucktard! There are more cabable members." Hidan shouted, breaking out of his shock first.

"As much as I hate to admit Hidan is making sense, Hidan absolutely fucking right!" Kakuzu said, Sasori nodded in argeement.

"No arguments, Tobi you're in charge, if any thing goes wrong you have to report to Tobi and he has to handle it." Pein said, he and Konan picked up their suitcases which were by the door. Hidan and Sasori were on them by the time they were outside.

"Seriously why the fucktard, even Pinochicco is a better choice and he's an asshole." Hidan shouted at them pointing at Sasori. Sasori glared at him, Pein sighed.

"The reason I put him in charge is because I want you two to make his life a living hell, after all I had just said every problem Tobi has to handle it." Pein told them. Hidan and Sasori's faces grew large smiles.

"As much as I fucking hate Pinochicco, I am willing to fucking work with him for such a worthy cause." Hidan said smirking, Sasori glared at Hidan.

"Well I'll work with Odette, just because I hate Tobi more than I detest ballerinas." Sasori said, Hidan shot up.

"You leave my past out of this." Hidan snarled, Sasori smirked.

"Just don't kill eachother, oh and by the way, you're both partners for until I'm back, the new partner list is in my office." Pein sighed before vanishing in a swirl of rain with Konan and their suitcases. Sasori and Hidan blinked. Partners?

"I'll kill you when you get back!" Hidan shouted to the rain which had started to pour. They went back in side soaking wet and angry, they found Kakuzu and Itachi looking at one another dublisously whilst Kisame was eyeing Zetsu up nervously. Deidara was sitting with Fluffy's head in her lap looking annoyed.

"No partner because since I'm a girl now I can't do missions. Sexist asshole." Deidara was murmuring angrily, Fluffy raised his head and growled at Tobi the moment he attempted to get near to Deidara, Tobi backed away.

"Have you heard the news, you two are partners." Deidara said frustated noticing them, she stood up and stormed to the door.

"Sempai, where are you going?" Tobi asked, Fluffy growled at Tobi and lay back down and did not bother to follow Deidara.

"For a walk!" Deidara shouted at him annoyed. The door slammed behind her, everyone winced.

"Something tells me Leader's going to be in for it when he gets back." Sasori murmured, everyone was blown off their feet as a shockwave from a huge explosion racked through the base. Hidan picked himself up and rubbed his head, Fluffy licked his face making him wince, the tiger's tounge was like sand-paper.

"Thanks, I guess, Fluffy." Hidan groaned.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Hidan's plan**

Deidara still had not came back, Hidan was getting worried although he wouldn't admit it and Fluffy kept gently butting at the door. Finally Hidan gave into his worries and stood up causing glances from the rest of the Akatsuki, he was going to find Deidara. Fluffy rubbed against his legs forcily and began dragging him towards the door with his cloak, Hidan nearly fell over as Fluffy pulled him quickly towards the door. Hidan opened the door and Fluffy pulled him over, he ended up spawled on the floor, he picked himself up and Fluffy began pulling him out the door. Fluffy lead him to a sleeping Deidara, who sat soaked, caked in mud and under a tree. Hidan sighed, she was going to get ill like that.

"Hey Deidara wake up." Hidan said shaking her awake gently, Deidara grodgingly opened her eyes. She saw Hidan and frowned.

"Hidan do you think I'm weak, un?" Deidara asked, Hidan blinked, how could she ask such a question after just waking up? It told him at least an hour to wake up fully, sighing he sat next to her.

"Of course I don't think you are weak, after all you did punch me through several walls, nearly sacrificed and you created that fucking powerful Pegasus." Hidan smirked, Deidara smiled.

"Thank you, Hidan, and I'm sorry I did that now, un." Deidara said and leaned against him, Hidan suddenly had an idea, he didn't like it that much but if it made Deidara happy...

"Why don't you go do my mission as me and I'll stay as you so you can prove that you can fucking kick ass without your kick-ass clay and as a bitch, you'll show that pierced asshole." Hidan said, Deidara blinked.

"But your working with Danna, I don't feel like talking to him, un." Deidara frowned, Hidan put his arm around his shoulder. Damn he was going to hate himself for this but he couldn't bear Deidara's sad face.

"Deidara, Sasori told us what happened, I know what he did hurt you but he had a reason for it for not helping you, he was jealous of Tobi?" Hidan said, Deidara blinked surprised.

"Why would he be jealous of Tobi, un?" Deidara asked, Hidan smirked wow he was really oblivous of all the fighting over him.

"Sasori is overly jealous of what he thinks is his, and you are his partner, being the stupid puppet he is he thought by helping you make up with Tobi you'll be all friendly with him and he'll steal you as a partner." Hidan said, dammit how much did it hurt to say that, Deidara smiled.

"Danna is silly like that isn't he. I over-reacted didn't I, un." Deidara said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Not all, I would of sacrificed him to Jashin." Hidan replied, he was shocked to the core as Deidara kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you Hidan, you're the sweetest you know that, un." Deidara said, Hidan's entire face blushed scarlet and suddenly he was really happy. Deidara skipped back to headquarters, Fluffy followed after her after turning back to Hidan and... smiling? Hidan blinked he was seeing things surely, tigers don't smile. Hidan shrugged and followed after them, dismissing it as a trick of his imagination.

*CHANGE*

Sasori was surprised to find himself knocked off his chair and onto the floor by a cheeriful blonde.

"I'm sorry for over-reacting, Danna, Hidan explained everything, un." Deidara said, Sasori blinked. Hidan? Hidan got him back into Deidara's good books, what would the Jashinist do that for? He hated the puppet and he liked Deidara himself, it just didn't make sense.

"Oh and Hidan had this amazing plan, un. (I swear he's a secret genius) Where I go on a mission and show Leader that I'm strong, un." Deidara smiled, Sasori nodded blankly, Hidan have an amazing plan? What the hell was this coming to? Next thing Deidara would be telling him crap like he'll die because of some pink-headed whore, Tobi was actually Uchiha Madara and was secretly ruling Akatsuki, then most of the Akatsuki would die and then be brought back to life by this crappy jutsu used by his subordinate, Kabuto who was part Orochimaru and he would die again lamely because of something Kankurou said. And as if that crap would ever happen. Deidara began hurriedly whispering the plan into Sasori's ear, he was surprised to find it was quite a good plan except for one huge flaw.

"All this manages to do is get you doing a mission, it does nothing to prove to Leader that you're strong." Sasori told her arms crossed, Deidara just smiled.

"Hidan's taking care of that, un." Deidara told him, Sasori just nodding wondering how Hidan was planning to do that.

"You are aware that you can't say un whilst pretending to be Hidan." Sasori smirked.

"I never say 'un', un." Deidara pouted, Sasori rolled his eyes.

"And you have to swear a lot more." He told her, she sighed and did the hand signals for the jutsu that would change her into Hidan. She ended up looking exactly like Hidan... except one thing.

"How's fucking this, Pinocchico." Deidara smirked, Sasori sighed, she got his attitude right but...

"Brat, Hidan doesn't have glasses." Sasori groaned, Deidara or rather 'Hidan' stuck her tounge out.

"Well I like them." Deidara said sulkily, Hidan hurriedly ran into Sasori's room and slammed the door shut.

"Can't have any one seeing me going into your room..." Hidan panted, he smirked at Deidara.

"Hey I like the glasses, they suit me." Hidan said, Deidara stuck his tounge out at Sasori again.

"See, un, I told you." Deidara smirked, Sasori huffed, Deidara then turned to Hidan after returning to his orginal form, "Now show Danna your me, un." Deidara smiled sitting down on Sasori's lap, Hidan shrugged and uncertainly did the hand signals. The transformation was sucessful and he now looked exactly like Deidara did just then except for one thing...

"Why am I in a dress, un?" Deidara asked curiously, Hidan laughed embarrassedly.

"I don't know." Hidan said looking down at the knee length flowing baby blue dress he was wearing.

"Well I don't like it." Deidara said frowning, Sasori smirked.

"I don't know, I think it suits you. You should really wear dresses like that." Sasori smiled, trying to convince Deidara as the dress really looked cute on him. Hidan did the hand signals that turned him back to himself.

"I think this might actually work, the problem is trying to get you two to act like one another." Sasori muttered. Hidan smirked.

"Danna, you'll probally get annoyed about this but I believe art is fleeting, yeah. Just like life, un." Hidan said leaning against Sasori's bed-post. Both Deidara and Sasori blinked at him disbelievingly.

"Wow, that was actually kinda scary, un." Deidara said, Sasori nodded in argeement, he was about to reply that art was eternal like he always did when he had realised Hidan had said that.

"It was fucking awful calling Pinochicco Danna, I have a fucking shit-like taste in my mouth now." Hidan admitted, wiping his tounge trying to get rid of the taste. "Well do you think you can fucking be me." Hidan asked, Deidara smiled.

"I'm not going to be put down by a guy who played Odette in the Swan Lake ballet." Deidara said, Hidan went red.

"Why does everyone has to fucking bring that up." Hidan grumbled. Deidara sighed.

"Sorry, Hida-kun." Deidara said leaping off Sasori's lap and hugging Hidan, Hidan's eyes widened.

"Hida-kun?" Hidan murmured blushing slightly, Deidara looked at Hidan's face which currently resembled a tomato's.

"Hida-kun, are you okay?" Deidara asked, Hidan blinked.

"I'm fine." Hidan said, Deidara frowned and put his hand against his head. Hidan blushed furthur so his face now resembled a red balloon dipped in red paint and pushed Deidara's hand away.

"What are you doing, Deidara?" Hidan asked, Deidara looked surprised.

"Checking your temperature, you look rather red." Deidara said obviously, Hidan pushed Deidara away.

"You're in my personal space." Hidan said, Deidara took several steps back and pouted.

"Well come on Dei, I don't see you being like me." Hidan said, Deidara smirked pulled out Hidan's scthye from somewhere inside her cloak (it was actually amazing what you could hide in there, once she had hid a grand piano, a basket of kittens, thirty bags of clay and ten scrolls filled with forbidden jutsus). Hidan paled and took a step back.

"Don't you go pyscho-kill-Hidan-with-his-own-weapon-mode again." Hidan said making his way to the door.

"But Hida-kun, isn't that what you do to Kakuzu all the time." Deidara said sweetly, Sasori just stared at Deidara for a moment, then he smirked. So this was what Hidan had meant by trying to sacrifice him.

"Hey... Deidara come on, pretending to be me and actually using my fighting techinques against me in an attempt to sacrifice me are two different things." Hidan said backing away, Deidara smirked.

"Oh really?" Deidara smiled taking a step towards him, Hidan felt his back against the cold wall. He shrunk away as Deidara pinned him against the wall with his own scthye, he felt pissed at his scthye for not obeying him and betraying him for Deidara.

"Shit." he murmured, Deidara looked at him curiously with soft blue eyes.

"What?" Deidara asked, Hidan winced.

"Jashin-sama likes you better than me as well." Hidan admitted angrily, Deidara's eyes widened and she looked sad.

"I'm sorry, Hida-kun." Deidara said softly, Hidan looked at her.

"Why would you be sorry?" Hidan asked. Sasori coughed to get their attention, this was the second time that Deidara had forgotten about him, the first having been waltzing with Itachi. Deidara looked at Sasori surprised, she had forgotten about him.

"Danna... I will meet you for the mission tommorrow as Hidan, right now I need to rest though." Deidara said rushing out the door.

"A little help please." Hidan pleaded looking at Sasori, Sasori blinked did Hidan just say please? The world was definitely going mad.

**A/N: One point for Hidan, aww I think he is so sweet when he wants to be :3**


	8. HELP!

HELP!

I simply have no ideas for this story apart from the end where Deidara is male again and is with the special guy, so please gives suggestions which could happen in between that time. For instance what type of mission they are going on.

Your loving Authoress Taeryfai x


	9. URGENT!

HEY! I'm going to rewrite Competitiveness from the start as I reread it and decided it went too quickly and was too weird... it's basically lacking sense. I'll leave this up and write it up under Competitiveness REDONE okay?


	10. Redone

First chapter of the redone: read it here .net/s/7825742/1/

The Unknown Jutsu

Deidara growled slightly as he trudged through the forest which surrounded the Akatsuki base, he of all the Akatsuki been chosen for scouting duty. At six in the freaking morning! Seriously, it was way too early to be scouting and also he was the wrong person to be doing so. Well yeah, he was usually up an hour or so before dawn anyway because of his screwed up sleeping habits (he blamed Sasori for this, why? Just because he could :P) whilst everyone else slept in till noon or even later and sure enough his mechanical eye had night vision but still!

The forest was massive, miles and miles upon trees, it was illogical for one person to search the place by himself even with chakra clones, surely Zetsu would have been a better choice as he was actually the Akatsuki's scout and seemed able to appear in numerous places at once as well as having an insane sensing skill or even Kisame choice seeing as he had an insane amount of chakra and his sword could sense it. But no they had to send the blond bomber who could not sense chakra until it was pretty close and his mechanical eye did not even help much due to the numerous amounts of trees disturbing his view.

He was brought out of his inner musing by a kunai speeding towards him, due to Sasori's constant attempts to strike him with his coil his reaction time was superb and he moved of the way before it could hit him. He cursed, why did now had to be the one time that someone bothered to actually enter the forest? The time he was scouting? His hand reached for his clay pouch, but it wasn't there. Damn, he had left it behind because no ever entered the stinking forest, maybe Sasori was right and he should be more prepared. Well he may not have his clay but that did not mean he was defenceless after all being a s-ranked shinobi in the Akatsuki meant you had to have considerable talents in ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu. He was not that skilled in genjutsu but he was better than most people and his taijutsu was actually just as good as the other Akatsuki members if not better in some cases but he refrained from using it.

His hand mouths had the habit of biting people, and unlike Zetsu, he did not think that human flesh was that nice tasting. In fact most shinobis were disgusting, covered in mud, blood and other such things and it was questionable if half of them had ever made a passing acquaintance with a shower before. It very questionable indeed.

He was then attacked by another four kunais from different directions; again he was grateful for his amazing reactions as he dodged them with ease. He then picked up the kunais, whoever threw those kunais were going to regret giving him weapons. Smirking confidently, he looked around activating his heat sensors in his mechanical eye wondering why the hell he had not done it in first place. He quickly found his five attackers; he threw all five kunais in one hand with expert preciseness all of them hitting their mark. There were thuds as five shinobi fell from the trees they had been perched in, he looked at them curiously, sound ninjas only chuunin or maybe even genin.

He froze as he heard evil chuckling coming from behind him, he turned around to see an incredibly pale man with long black hair which was rather thin and less pretty than Deidara's, it also looked far less healthy. His yellow eyes reminded him of a snake, in fact most things about this man did so. He was confused about how he had not sensed the man with his heat sensor, it was as if his temperature matched his surroundings, it seemed he did not just look like a snake then but also shared snake qualities.

"KuKuKu, quite impress~ive, Deidara." The man said, dragging out his 's' in an almost hiss. Deidara gave a start, how the hell did this snake know his name? Who was this snake- err- person anyway?

"How do you know my name!" Deidara said glaring at the snake, who merely laughed and raised an eyebrow.

"Ss~eriouss~ly, you don't think I would not look up at my own replacement?" The man laughed, Deidara looked at him blankly with wide blue eyes.

"R-Replacement, un?" He questioned uncertainly, the snake wannabe laughed and walked forward towards Deidara and tilted Deidara's head up towards his own.

"Yess~ Deidara, my replacement ass~ Ss~ass~ori'ss partner," The snake said leaning closer, Deidara took a step back, but the man just moved forward. "Did they neglect to tell you about little old me?" He grinned, Deidara gulped nervously, this snake-man was freaky and that was saying something considering with whom he lived with.

"You can't be, they told me that the only way to leave the Akatsuki is through death and you are clearly alive." Deidara said suddenly getting back his confidence and aiming a kick at the man's head. The man chuckled and caught his leg,

"Oh, they just did not want you to betray them like I did." The man said, letting out a hiss as Deidara kicked him in the face using his other leg, standing on his hands to do so. He let go of Deidara's leg to nurse his poor possibly broken nose.

"My, aren't you the feissty one." He said, Deidara scowled at him and aimed a punch at him. "Well you can always leave Akatsuki and join me, you have the right type of… energy which I look for in a minion. You can call me Master Orochimaru, has a nice ring, don't ya think?" He chortled; Deidara's punch hit him square in the mouth. Orochimaru sighed, "I guess I'll have to punish you for that, I'll be waiting for you, Deidara-kun~" Orochimaru said winking as he made hand signals, Deidara felt his eyes grow heavier and it all went black.


End file.
